/h/Roland Siebelink 2
Mandatory Participation in the Great Annual Leaf Raking Redistribution
All fallen leaves must be collected by municipal leaf brigades, redistributed equally among residents, and composted according to a federally approved schedule. Failure to rake your assigned pile within 72 hours constitutes civil disobedience.
Description: Every autumn, America faces a crisis that the mainstream media refuses to cover: the unequal distribution of fallen leaves. Homeowners with large oak trees unfairly burden their neighbors with drifting leaf pollution, while residents of high-rise apartments enjoy a leaf-free existence they did not earn. This proposal establishes the National Leaf Equity Act, which would:
- Require all municipalities to form Leaf Redistribution Task Forces (LRTFs)
- Mandate GPS tagging of all trees over 30 feet to track leaf origin
- Fine homeowners who blow leaves into public space $47 per incident
- Create a Leaf Futures Market so cities can hedge against heavy-canopy seasons
- Establish the Bureau of Seasonal Debris (BSD) within the EPA
Critics of this proposal clearly hate the environment and also probably hate their neighbors. True patriots rake.